The best ideas are born when your mind is clear. My mind works best when I'm in the loo.

It was only last night that I thought it'd be great to chronicle my horse riding learning experience in my very private blog. I am not too keen on going public with my experiences so this space works best!

After a long period of deliberation, prob 2 years, I have decidedly made the effort to take up horse riding lessons privately. Considering the cost and practicality when I return to Singapore, this is probably one of the costliest pursuit.

The world wide web was an information overload so I just went with the cheapest option that came with exclusivity. The day came for my first riding lesson and I made my way to Latymer Road. I was not impressed the moment i stepped out of the tube station. There were no TFL staff at the station to give directions. The area looked dirty and full of orh jiaos (you know, those) and I took a 15-minute walk while looking out for my own life. It just didnt feel safe.

Having been there, I had an idea of the location but it had changed quite a bit since. and well... I could not find the school! or rather, the main entrance of the school! It was a quiet area and bearing in mind that was one criteria I had in mind for learning, i wondered when I would have the chance to ask someone for directions!

When I finally found it, the smell was a put-off. There were some teenage kids helping out there but wait, isnt that child labour?! The environment in the office was too fun to be classified professional. I was asked to choose a riding cap and riding boots. The riding cap reeked of perspiration and the boots weren't exactly good to look at too. The trainer did include me in whatever small talk she was having like the budget airline and their baggage restrictions. I smiled and left the office.

Tobie was led out of his stable and dressed with the saddle etc for my lesson. The instructor taught me how to mount the horse from ground which required me to bounce myself onto the horse. it wasnt easy and I didnt succed without her 'lifting' me instead. her humour: "You're the heaviest light-weight person. You have to push yourself up next time". Not that she was sarcastic, she did try to lighten the mood but hey, I was a first-timer, never been through army and the horse wasnt exactly low!

With my feet properly positioned in the stirrup, we started the lunge lesson which saw the horse on the lunge lead and me directing the horse in gradually bigger circles. i was asked to squeeze the horse constantly to nudge the horse to walk on. Also, I had had to tell the horse "Walk on. Walk on, Toby". I felt slightly silly just because it was so amatuer I didnt think I was benefitting from the lesson.

Although it was a short half-hour lunge lesson, Toby looked tired. I came home feeling dirty from all the smell and thought... i'm not going back to that school.

Maybe it's time for a fresh post. I realised the last time I wrote was more than a year ago, being elated about being offered a Marcomm position in a diplomatic organisation.

Now, my perspective has changed. Do you have time for that?

The month has been a whirlwind. Too many things happening at one time... it exhausted me.

But i thought i really should have a note before my tour with Mum tomorrow noon.

I cant be more grateful to everyone around me. from friends, passersby who stop to give me directions, co-workers and especially family. just by being there to talk, and spending time online with me means a lot. i guess you tend to be more appreciative when you're overseas.

J has been very kind to me. i was very touched when she initiated email communication for the MKS girls to keep in touch, to get over the distance. in fact, i was a little ashamed that i wasnt as initiative as her. but well, she has so much qualities to learn from, seriously. i sometimes wonder how she manages her life so well, able to withstand so much crap and still be chirpy for the people around. probably it's the love for friends/ people that kept her going.

we've been spending relatively alot of time together and each time, it just reminds me of how lucky i am to have found a friend like this. well, i love all my close friends... because they treat me so well despite me being horrible person. im rather selective of friends, or who i hang out with, although i know im in no position to judge! yea, the problem lies with me but it's difficult to change.

the charity shop has been keeping me really busy and tired, every alternate days. it was nothing but fun, so much so that i usually forget to sit, drink water and about how tired i am until i reach home dead. helpers there are always fooling around, laughing and keeping the environment hyper. customers, most are happy but financially-burdened people with big hearts. many times, it aches me to see them scrimp and save especially when buying children toys. i've always had the luxury of getting what i demanded for as a kid... and it's just sad to imagine the kind of life they lead.

when i handed them money, i noticed their hands. their nails really dont look healthy. they were thick/ cracked/ chipped and their hands looked overworked. Once, an old lady bought table cloth or curtains and she told me they're for her friend who lives alone, jobless and looks after two kids. that melted my heart. yet, another time, we turned up the music while helpers (about my mum's age) grooved to the tune. then, an old lady customer (about 70 years) joined in the fun... moving really carefully on the spot. she was enjoying herself and it was a very happy moment watching her. it's amazing how optimistic people stay.

on my 'free' days, G and I throng the busy streets in search of temporary retail jobs. to be honest, i was not seeking a retail job but i just enjoyed hanging out with her. probably the only vacancy that excited me was at Starbucks (Barista) but then again, i know it's quite impossible for me to be shortlisted, having no experience in F&B/ operating the coffee machine/ waitressing etc. well, once i was offered a temp retail job at a souvenir shop. it happened when i was shopping there. i didnt really have good vibes about the environment and turned it down.

but not all's fruitless. G is now working at Muji and im glad for her.

i've been called up for a vacancy at a model-making shop, went for interview and proceeded to a trial day for a taste of the job (just yesterday). it required alot of liaising, processing online orders, picking up stocks, packing for dispatch etc. it was too manual for me. it's a rather lonely job. there's a lunch schedule to follow so nobody really gets to eat with co-workers. and most workers eat in... that's not really me.

Last week, i also went for an interview for marketing position. after visiting the web site and reading the job description, i wasnt keen on the job anymore (and i have to admit that im still enjoying my 'vacation'). furthermore, 7 candidates were shortlisted for that only position... it almost seemed like a waste of time. above all, it fell on the day J is here... and i kept thinking about how much more fun i could have if i gave it a miss. ultimately, to not disappoint sis, i turned up and had a good chat with the panel of interviewers, still quite sure of not getting it.

it's a very high-profile diplomatic organisation that deals with government officials of countries, think including Singapore, and companies. so i thought... what can i possibly bring to the company that other candidates cannot match. and it's quite seldom that companies here favour foreigners to Europeans, because of the visa requirements etc. during interview, i learnt that few days back (27 nov), working legislations were changed to secure jobs for locals and it's way more difficult to employ a non-EU citizen. it affects even those already in employment. still, i gave a smile as though it wasnt my business.

To my pleasant surprise, HR director called to congratulate me on being the successful candidate. On top of that, they increased my pay!!! he stated that i wasnt happy about the pay during the interview. what?!!! i didnt even have any expectations of the pay, really.

wish me well... for my trip to Paris - waterloo - brussels - amsterdam - cologne - bonn - trier - luxembourg- reims. It seems like a tiring long trip. hopefully not too tired to enjoy.

you could say it's for my closest friends that im reviving my blog. before i get any more emotional, it's true that blogging fosters a closer knit with your loved ones. = )

to date, i have not landed myself in a good job. but it helps, in a perverse way, to know that 1.8 million people are as jobless as i am (yes, that's the current no of jobless rate). great! well, i wouldnt lie by saying that i have not been affected by my state. but i have come to realise that it's not all bad for me since i can only work for 1 year. in other words, i can afford to take it slow. i know this lady who came in hope of earning more (other than accompanying her husband) for her honeymoon next year. i feel sorry for her but it's beyond my means to help her, really.

im always thankful that i have the support from my family, especially my loving sister, to come london. im guilty of leaving my aged divorced parents alone in singapore and it's almost eating my happiness. my parents have always been very independent but i want to be there for them because i know the comfort of knowing your family is with you. having said that, sis reminds me that they are not as 'needy' as i thought they were. i dont know what to make out of this. i know i also have to grow up... alone! i need to force myself out of my comfort zone to experience life myself.

Best of all, i get a dose of familiarity once a month. Obviously im not talking about my regular menstrual cycle- it's the prompt visit by J o o. jon and i are always excited counting down to the day she arrives. we have a special friendship because the 3 of us can talk really well. we bunk over her hotel and do crazy things like feet-shuffling in the room, laugh at the most ridiculous/ unlaughable things and we share experiences.

im rather glad that im in london actually. im finally away from the cheena, irritating, rude singaporeans. i honestly love being in singapore cuz it gives me pride and safety. Probably the saddest element in Singapore are the people! if they're not cheena, they're 'M's. and i totally detest the way singaporeans talk (i meant people you dont know)- unknowingly rude and dont know how to express themselves. okay, forget it! but well... im just very happy being with my friends cuz others are prob not worth it.

in view of the economic crunch, im just doing what i've always liked doing but never allowed to do in singapore- volunteering at the RSPCA!!! i've attended a meeting and i think it'd just get more exciting from there!!! im heading to their retail store this tuesday to help out. it's a long walk out but i've grown to enjoy long slow walks alone.

i regularly imagine myself back in U P S. it's crazy, my heart still belongs there. i get all excited when i see a U P S delivery vehicle. well, i try not to think about it or i'd get upset that i left that workplace. althought HR told me i could always go back because my resignation was a special case, how can i face my colleagues, esp my ex boss who recommended me, since i have 'betrayed' them? i dont think i can ever bring myself to pursue my dream job. that upsets me most.

You know...

I've always been a dreamer.

I have been day-dreaming since the first class in primary one.

And although i was chided, it didnt stop me from indulging in my own world.

Now, i do it discreetly.

My latest project has re-ignited my interest in blogging!

It really doesnt matter that no one patronises my blog.

It is afterall meant for the exclusive few. No, not like it's an entitlement... but only those will be updated on what im referring to.

Look, i ought to be preparing for the last hurdle tomorrow.

but i enjoy whiling my time away on the comp far too much!

One by one they leave.. to seek greener pastures.

Is it a different niche/ is it for different opportunities?

They carve their own routes.

For me, i'd stay put. B'cos i prefer taking a step at each time.

But they make me wonder if im missing out so much.

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What keeps me happy is school; ironically eh?

I love my friends there.... and i love keeping myself so busy after work (for the good). School after work is such a relief as i get crazy with my friends... it's a chance i let loose. I only hate the morning after school. (let's not go there)

More importantly, i love my distinctions! It's really an assurance of my choice.

What's wrong with blogger, seriously?

Why must i migrate log-in to gmail?

When the day falls...

Friends commented that i have lost weight.

this is not good news.

Beijing soon. yay! to see jon.

not too happy cuz i have used up all my annual leave for this year. hmphhhh....